routine
by DramaDelicacy
Summary: a sigh. groan. rustle- /sasusaku


_A sigh._

Groan.

Rustle –

Haruno Sakura pushed herself up, covering her body with her blanket. She stared out the window, the sky a cool midnight blue. She blinked, and, with one swift motion, brushed off the tears before they could fall. She covered her face with her hands and sighed.

_Dammit_.

Her phone vibrated, and she turned to look at it. The pale light emanating from the screen reached her. The screen, reflected on her eyes, felt like it was mocking her. Mocking her whole entire existence.

Sakura stared at the phone before it vibrated again; the small motion caused her to shiver. She sighed again, reaching for it. The simple motion felt heavy, and she hated it. She hated what she had become. _Dependent and pathetic._

She swiped her thumb across the screen horizontally, and the screen revealed their conversation – their conversation that started three years ago when she finally had the courage to ask for his number. She sighed, and read his reply.

_Do girls just assume everything? _

_Annoying._

Sakura chuckled bitterly. She knew how pathetic she had become. She knew when she realized how his condescending, hurtful words –that out of nowhere became part of their daily conversations– no longer hurt her.

_Lies_. Of course that was a lie. Every time he said something hurtful, _annoying, useless, pathetic_, she had to wipe off her tears before they fall.

_Don't let them fall, don't let him win._

But she knew that he had won long ago. Three years ago, he won.

She rolled her eyes instead and replied.

_No? Don't be a dick. Also, I'm not annoying. If I am, you wouldn't be talking to me._

She looked out the window again, and she noticed the moon looking down at her pathetically. Even the universe knew how sad her situation was.

Sakura rolled around on the bed and sighed. She turned so she wasn't facing her window. She was so close to cutting off her bond with him. She did it, actually. She deleted him off Skype, and disappeared from every other social media where she had him as a friend.

But she was so desperate that she returned with a different account to look for him. And she found him, of course, she always does. And so their conversation continued.

_I asked Ino about where you are._

_No you didn't._

_I did, ask her._

And she did, and Ino confirmed it – why she confirmed it, Sakura will never know why. And her wall crumbled. Just like that, she went running back to him like a sad, abused puppy.

Their routine continued. Just as one sided as before.

Her phone vibrated again, and she reached for it.

_That's true._

That was all. His reply.

And she was immediately reminded of another reason why their _friendship_ was so difficult. She was always the one starting a conversation, she was always the one trying to keep it up, always the one fighting for it to last longer.

_I'm uninstalling this application._

She stared at the screen. His reply came almost immediately.

_Alright._

And her heart broke, for the thousandth time. This messaging application was their only way of communication. And he didn't even question why.

He knew she was seeking for attention. It was too obvious. But she was desperate.

_I love you, Sasuke-kun._

She clutched her phone – the light, much too bright, was laughing at her. And she furrowed her brows together, refusing to cry.

He didn't reply, and she woke up to her phone vibrating. She looked out the window, it was still dark. She looked back to her phone, squinting. _03:25 AM_.

_I know._

Of course he knew. She told him this so many times before. She told him her sad, lingering feeling over and over again despite the situation. She smiled to herself, and looked out the window again. Her neighbors must now be asleep, their lights that were on hours ago were now off. And just like that, she cried.

_Sorry, that was random. Where are you gonna go for your date tomorrow?_

It was always like this after every _I love you_'s. She would immediately ask him about his relationship, as if reminding herself that loving him was a lost cause.

_Just the movies. Karin wants to watch Frozen. How ridiculous._

Sakura laughed, sobbing. She wiped off her tears and took a deep breath.

_Hey! Frozen is a good movie, I love it!_

_Of course you do, you're a kid._

_I'm turning 21, Sasuke-kun. Don't be ridiculous._

_Hn._

And that was the cue. She would have to stop texting him for a while because he was finally bored of her. _Busy_, was his excuse. Always _busy_.

_I'm going to bed. Goodnight._

No reply came, as expected. She knew him like the back of her hand. The man she had never met. The person she probably didn't know at all. The person who continuously refused to webcam with her, the person who would always come up with excuses whenever she asked to call him.

"Sakura, you need to stop talking to him. It's not healthy." Ino once said. Twice. Thrice. Then she just stopped warning her. She stopped trying. She was so lost that even her own best friend couldn't find her and help her.

Sakura clutched the small phone in her hands. The small, pitiful gadget that was their only way of communicating. She sobbed and heaved and screamed.

She didn't want to be so dependent, so pathetic. But she didn't know how to let go. So she cried, and cried herself to sleep.

And when tomorrow comes, she'll repeat the same routine. She'll talk to him, and he'll get bored of her, and she'll cry again.

_A sigh._

Groan.

Rustle –

. . .

it's so sad that this is based on my experience. my _current_ experience.

so done with myself tbh.

reviews are appreciated.

dd.


End file.
